Comedy Central, Let's Have A Giggle!!

[alkie]

A English lawyer and a Scotsman are sitting next to each other on a train. The lawyer is thinking that the Scots are so dumb that he could put one over on him easily...So the lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game.

The Scot is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, and says that the game is a lot of fun.
"I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only £5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £500",
This catches the Scots attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.
'What's the distance from The Earth to the Moon?'
The Scot doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five pound note and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's his turn. He asks the lawyer,
'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Scot and hands him £500. he happily pockets the £500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Scot up and asks,
'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

The Scot reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer £5 and goes back to sleep.

And the moral of this little tale?
Never underestimate the guile of a Scotsman!

[SimonKemp]

Nice one Alkie!

[publicfacialgirl]

Very funny.

[alkie]

For 3 days now the wife hasn't been speaking to me, just because I wouldn't open the car door for her...

...I wasn't really my fault...

...I just panicked and swam to the surface!!

[alkie]

An unemployed Scotsman sees a job advertised as a fanny waxers assistant.

The job description includes:

Removing ladies panties
Preparing fannies for waxing.
Massaging oil in after waxing.

He asks at his local job centre about applying for the position and is told that if he wants to pursue his quest for that particular job he would have to travel to London.

He asks, "Is that where the job is then?"

The man at the job centre smiles and replies, "No, that's where the f##king back of the queue is!!"

[alkie]

For the past week black women all around the US have been shaving their pussies in celebration of Obama's election success.

And their message to the world is this...

..."Read Our Lips...No More Bush!!"

[alkie]

Quentin and his lover Tarquin visit the zoo,
When the are at the monkey enclosure Quentin notices that one of the gorillas has a huge hard on, he giggles and simply can't resist and reaches through the bars and he begins to stroke it.
Suddenly the gorilla wrenches him through the cage and f##ks him non stop for six hours, when he is finished with him it throws him over the fence and Quentin is rushed to hospital and two days later when he comes round Tarquin is at his bed side and asks, "Ooh Tarquin, are you hurt?"

Quentin replies, "am I hurt.....AM I HURT!!!!!!!!!!!"
"WELL WOULDN'T YOU BE"?
"HE HASN'T PHONED ME...
"HE HASN'T TEXT ME..........

[fert69]

For 3 days now the wife hasn't been speaking to me, just because I wouldn't open the car door for her...

...I wasn't really my fault...

...I just panicked and swam to the surface!!

Emo Phillips. Nice

[The Shape]

OK here is mine,

Your mom is so poor I saw her walking down the street with one shoe on. I said "hey did you lose a shoe?" and she replied "naw I found one"

ba dum dum

[jonze]

What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato


A Dicktater

Yes, I know it's stupid but the play on words always makes me laugh.