Comedy Central, Let's Have A Giggle!!

[greyhound]

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.

After 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would
break him out of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming,
romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure device... a vibrator... soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She goes completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at
him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain
yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain
the toy... if you explain the kids..."

[alkie]

Greyhound...
"A Song To Our Admins"
We have all been there

And
"Sex In The Dark"
PML at that one mate

[jaynw]

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

...................

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?

...................

The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone." The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?" "Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should
see all the sports cars outside our house!"

[jaynw]

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."

...................

A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"

He says, "I don't know."

She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"

He says, "Bigger."

She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"

He says, "Smaller?"

She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."

She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."

[greyhound]

http://www.facialforum.net/attachmen...1&d=1226828870

[greyhound]

Due to the current financial crisis, we have designed a new piggy bank to fit better. Saving box can be picked up at your local branch.

[alkie]

Weather warning
Glasgow HURRICANE APPEAL

Hurricane 'Senga' hit Glasgow in the early hours of yesterday morning. Victims were seen wandering round aimlessly muttering, "Pure mental, man no?"

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £90 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and Seville were damaged beyond repair. Three historically important areas of burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Giros arrived the next morning.
Police state that incidences of looting, muggings and car crime were particularly high during the night, but calmed down when the hurricane struck.

Twenty-two asylum seekers were rescued from an apartment in The Gorbals, rescuers are going to search the second bedroom later today.

Scot FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Glasgow.

One resident, Bernadette O'Reilly, a 15 year old mother of 5 said "It gied me a pure fright so's it did. My little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into ma bedroom greetin'. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan- Storm slept through it all. Ah wiz still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning, so ah wiz". Neighbour Joseph 'young young' McGurn said "The noise wiz tremendous. At first ah thoat it wiz the Neds coming oot of Lord Carsons, but it wiz even worser.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Buckfast and two tons of Tunnocks Teacakes to the area to help stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching the rubble and have found quantities of personal belongings including Benefit books and bone china from Poundstretchers.

Residents in Edinburgh offered to accommodate those left homeless, but the Glaswegians decided they were better off where they were.

A Council spokesman has indicated that it would take take at least a full morning to get things looking like normal and added "There has been a pure Blitz spirit, everybody's been pure blitzed".

Poundstretcher has agreed to stay open 24 hours to allow residents to refurbish their homes.

The Government has pledged to ensure that bookies, pubs, chip shops and other essential services will reopen as soon as possible.



HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This Appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing most sought after includes - Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Hoodies, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits (female), white sport socks, Rockport boots or Adidas trainers.
Food parcels are also urgently required. Please try to include - Microwave chips, Pies from Greggs, Sugar Puffs, Tins of spaghetti, Gypsy Creams Curly-Wurlies, Red Cola, cans of Special Brew and Diamond White, bottles of Buckie or El Dorado, glue or hairspray.

Just 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. £2 buys chips, crisps and Irn-Bru for a family of nine. £3 will pay for a pouch of tobacco, papers and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.



*Breaking News*

Rescue workers have found a 10-year-old girl in the rubble Apparently she was smothered in raspberry Alco- pop. When asked where she was bleeding from she replied "Stanley Road, whit's it got to dae wi' you?"

[geeanew]

..............................................

[splah]

Have you herd that Salman Rushdie has written a new book?
Its called "BUDDAH YOU FAT FUCK"

[alkie]

...Why you should never...

,,,EVER...

...Get CAUGHT!!