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Good one Brian1453:D Here is something I came across, no way would I ever want to get that close. 2 of the worst ways I can think of checking out...eaten by a shark or a plane crash. Or even worse, survive the plane crash into shark infested waters and get eaten......:eek::eek:
Yep, that looks like the definition of stupidity to me, the short version, or the soon-to-be short version. ;) I lean more towards the guy in the movie "Jaws" who, after seeing the great white said, "We are going to need a bigger boat!"Quote:
Originally Posted by The Shape
Great jokes. I love the poster ones. I have quite a few myself.
More. I realize the eagle and cat one was already posted, but the description is different and I kinda like this one better.
Oh come on ye faithful!:eek:
Girl says to boyfriend ''u make love like u decorate'' he replies ''what...slow with smooth strokes & professional finish?' ''no'' she replies ''more like the fucking Council, u just bang it up, leave a right mess & I have to finish the fucking job myself!!
"I'm dreaming of a White Christmas, just like the one's we used to know."
:eek: That was a party political broadcast on behalf of the British National Party. :eek:
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband:
"When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."
A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill."
The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks the clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house." the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off."
The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.
"No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier.
But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline.
Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES"
So, after shoveling snow for the third time in five days my thoughts turn to warmer climates. A friend with too much snow on his hands as well sent me the following:
THREE REASONS TO LIVE IN A WARM CLIMATE
ONE:
THREE REASONS TO LIVE IN A WARM CLIMATE:
....and the OTHER TWO: