Practicing safe sex.
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Practicing safe sex.
A few others I thought were funny. The first one is one of those where you have to figure out what belongs where it is and what doesn't.
great stuff mate, thanks
made me chuckle
A very passionate French rugby fan at their Rugby World Cup match vs England last year...
This made me lol:D
I thought this would be appropriate...
And here it is, lol
Amy Schumer's take on facials, from her latest stand up special:)
www . youtube . com/watch?v=EmzPp33kl7o
I think everyone owes one of these at some stage...
My man would constantly be baking! lol He really can't control his cumshot. :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by dbar
That is a funny one, Jonze. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by jonze
Piper
More baking humour...
The Disney we don't see...
something new from the gameing industry :)
Nice! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by jonze
Hilarious! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian1453
These were all funny!Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian1453
Nice!Quote:
Originally Posted by dbar
Lol!Quote:
Originally Posted by dbar
Yep! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by dbar
I have no idea if anyone has ever posted a link on this.
I saw this on a site that features call girls.
This is from a link provided by a girl in England.
This is proof that we facial fans have enemies!!!
Boo!
http:// www .laerdal. com/us/item/ 46000001
(paste it in your browser, and take away the spaces)
Cruel, man...just cruel!:(
Damn.
Ice cream and sprinkles have never looked more enticing!
How should we reward our ice cream server here?
Answer: Sprinkle on her eyes cream!
Bwahahaha
(Post #1000.... #3)
Sounds like a woman with some interesting experiences to share. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by dbar
Good to see you back azriel!! I'd sprinkle cream in her eyes, and many other places!! :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by azriel15
OK, back to topic.... joke:
A battery, some jumper cables and a bra walk into a bar.
The battery and bra go up to the bar. The battery says to the bartender, " I'd like a whiskey, a rum and coke and vodka tonic".
The bartender replies, "I can't serve you"
"Why not"? asks the battery.
"Well, you're friend is off his tits, and you look like you're going to start something".
Thank you... Thank you very, much..... there's a CD you can buy on your way out....:D
On the other hand, maybe women who don't like getting cum on their face--or especially in their eyes--could use it!Quote:
Originally Posted by azriel15
Found this amusing
Found this amusing 2
***tap tap tap*** is this thing on?
This looks like one of those moments that he could regret if the shark's head went the other way. :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by dbar
A member sent this to me the other day. :D
Piper
Dbar, thanks for the funny bit about "....keeping the umbrella". Very funny.
Piper, same for the "Carol" pic. An old joke but still a funny one. Have to CAREFULLY watch for those eye pop shots.
Starting to get cold here in Illinois. So you know what that means. Time to start thinking about shopping for Christmas. So here are a few of the gifts I am thinking about this year.
With gasoline prices just getting worse and worse maybe that special someone on your list would appreciate the latest in bovine transportation. Not exactly gas free but it can also mow your lawn for you. :D
Okay, what do you get the hard-charging, overstressed person on your list? Well you could get them a regular Newton's Cradle. Work off some stress and watch the laws of physics in motion. Or, you could spend a little more and show them you REALLY care and get them the adult version. My guess is they will figure out quite a few ways to work off some stress. ;)
For the card players out there here is the perfect card table. Easy to move, goes with any decor, open for many different types of games and if you just absolutely want to beat that card champ make sure you seat them on an end. Of course, you might just want to save that spot for yourself. :)
I bet there is more than one person from this site who can relate to this. Worth watching for the final line of the song alone.
Broken-Hearted (Jon Lajoie) :
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAZhXAh7BC0&feature=plcp
a joke and a pic...
A policeman sends his wife and kid to a resort
for a vacation. After a week he joined them in
the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel
room he wanted to make love to his wife and
gave her "the look". Whispering under her
breath, the wife says "No darling, we can't do
it here, our kid is watching!" Husband replies,
"You're right, lets go to the beach."
After a while they make their way to the
bea
ch, they start to make love on an empty
beach. All of a sudden, a policeman walks up
to them. "Put your cloths on immediately,
shame on you, you can't do that in public!"
Embarrassed, the husband admits "You are
right, but I had a moment of weakness. We
hadn't seen each other for an entire week.
Now, I'm a policeman too, and it would be very
embarrassing if you fine me."
The cop thought for a second and said "Don't
worry... you are a colleague and it is your first
time. But this is the third time I caught this
bitch making love on this beach in the last
week and she will have to pay."
:) :)
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry:
'9.'
Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry:
'36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry: 'Pants.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands .'
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry:
'Firetruck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.
http: // www . youtube. com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=x2ZkH31KfB0
:D:D
Beethoven's 9th , I've never seen it played like this before
tv.liberoquotidiano.it/video/105797/Donna-suona-Beethoven-con-le-chiappe.html#.USEMbaW-kXg
** Moderator edit ***
It is not allowed to post hotlinks in this section, please read the rules. I have edit it, can be copy/paste now.
>Ronaldbr<
Found these on a Bondage site
Nice ones !! :D
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
Entertaining in your Home
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
Dating ( Outside the Family )
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.'
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.'
` If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
Weddings
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Two Reasons it is Hard to Solve a Hillbilly Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records
.
These make for some good laughs!
Cookie + Bukkake = Cookakkie:p
...Christmastime with Grumpy Cats!!
A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.
The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.
The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.
The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman
The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation.
The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that you swallowed.'
Some adult comics and Memes:winking: