Need your advice

[ClaireJay]

Hey gang. Need your advice on a facial-related matter. You're hardly relationship counsellors but for this kind of thing ... well, you are the specialists.

I've been with the same guy for years. Long-term thing. Maybe a lifer. Built up a lot of trust over the years and we're fairly open with one another. He knows what I like, and I've got to understand what gets him off. One of those things is coming on me. First it was my stomach, then my breasts, then one day when I was right in the throws of orgasm he whispered in my ear that he wanted to come on my face.

Caught me a little off guard, but I'd have agreed to pretty much anything at that point so I sort of grunted "OK". He didn't actually get his wish that day because, apparently, the very idea that I'd agreed to do it sent him over the edge and he wrapped things up slightly earlier than intended. Poor boy.

So then we sort of awkwardly pretended nothing had happened and carried on with our lives. But I could see this was a big deal for him so I did some background reading, found myself on this particularly sordid bit of internet (hello), saw some sexy pictures and discovered that there was a certain appeal. Been loitering around here since.

It's not my favourite thing in the world, but I get turned on by certain pictures and I like the sort of "slutty champ" feeling I get from doing it. Sort of intimate and special and just between the two of us. It's become a regular, if not particularly frequent, part of our sex lives. Just something we enjoy on special occasions, like Fridays, and in the quiet TV season.

And just so this is clear up front, no, we won't be taking and/or sharing any pictures.

So here's the thing. He fucking loves coming on my face. It is a big deal for him. Sometimes he's gentle and loving, and teases me to a long, drawn out orgasm before politely asking for permission. Or he'll tie me up and want me to beg for his cum while he calls me his slut. Other times he's aggressive and wants to face-fuck me and then grip my hair and just unleash. All of these are fine and turn me on when I'm in the right mood. But the second he comes, it all falls away, and he's shy and a bit embarassed by the whole thing.

It's sad because before he comes he's all caught-up in the moment, and he has quite elaborate requests. He tells me he wants me to beg to taste him, or that he's going to cum on my lips so I can lick it off, or, when I'm tied up, he says he's going to come on my face then leave me there until he's hard enough to fuck me again.

This is all pretty arousing. But the second he's orgasmed, or possibly even during, he instantly gets apologetic. Out come the tissues and sensitive compliments, off come the handcuffs. The weekend before last he told me that he was going to come in my mouth but that I wasn't to swallow it until he gave me permission, so that he could watch me play with it. One hot mouthful later he's meekly telling me I should swallow and thank you and that was nice of me and I look pretty and how was my day?

So I don't really mind that these things never come to pass. Though I find it all pretty hot at the time, I think what turns me on is knowing how much it turns him on, and if he's no longer aroused then that's fine and the moment has passed. But I do sort of feel sad for him, that he never gets to live out his myriad fantasies of sticky fun. Feels incomplete to get all hyped up and then just switch straight to the kiss and cuddle.

Here's my question (and apologies for the long rambling setup... though I hope some of you got a kick out of it.)

• Guys: is this normal, ie does this happen to you? Have you ever managed to follow-through on the after-party, or does the clock strike midnight and everything turn into pumpkins?
• Girls: is your guys all talk? Have you ever been with someone who stuck with the plan? Are you fine with that (maybe even glad), or if not, have you got any tips for encouraging him to continue?

Much, and occasionally sticky, love to you all.

CJx

[Juliette et Franklin]

I think it's absolutely normal, Claire. When we're caught up in the passion, inhibition falls away. Unfortunately, it's usually waiting just outside the bedroom door. When it's over, every social convention that was the furthest thing from his mind during the act comes rushing back. He may feel ashamed for treating you as an object, embarrassment for revealing his innermost desires, or even just chagrin for having done something to you that he finds distasteful or uncomfortable. He may also be afraid of what you might be thinking of him for wanting to do such "dirty" things to you.

The same thing often happens to me. When we're in the middle of it, pretty much anything goes. I still have concerns for her comfort and desires, but when the face fucking begins, those concerns seem to get farther away. (For the record, it's usually Julliette who initiates the face fucking! ). As soon as it's over, however, and I'm spent, I become acutely aware that the woman I love is sitting there with rapidly cooling juzz running down her face, quite possibly in her eye or up her nose. Juliette isn't one of those who loves cumplay on her own. She doesn't mind it, but doesn't love it. She does it mostly for me. Knowing that makes me immediately concerned that she might be uncomfortable, disgusted, etc. Kind of takes the sexy out of it. It has kept us from exploring things further sometimes. I love taking pictures and video, but have a relatively small number of facials because of exactly what you describe.

It may help if you discuss it with him. Knowing that you you're comfortable with the after party might go a long way.

[ClaireJay]

When we're caught up in the passion, inhibition falls away. Unfortunately, it's usually waiting just outside the bedroom door.

That is beautifully put.

I think Juliette and I may have a few things in common.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

CJx

[gloryholeprincess]

You two seem to communicate really well. Maybe tell him in a quiet moment how turned on you are by his fantasies and the sex you have with him. That sex is natural and society is what makes it taboo. Communication is key in a healthy sexual relationship.

I think that I make men cum really easily because they know (because I am rather open about it) that I am really into sex, sucking and cum. There is no shame in what I do nor what they do with me. I get off on it and they do also. We are all consenting adults. It is a huge weight that gets lifted off one's shoulders when they realize and admit to themselves that they enjoy different kinds of sex. I have seen it happen a bunch of times.

A trick that I cold recommend would be picture taking. (No, not for Facial Forum) You could tell him that you want to see what you look like with cum in your mouth or on your face and tell him that it would really turn you on to be photographed covered in cum while you masturbate. (My pics really turn me on) This would carry him through that period of downtime and probably into another round of sex.

I have a friend who is 61 and another friend who is 64 and both of them really get turned on by taking pics. I know the 61 year old worries about "keeping up" with me after he cums but if he is taking pics of me servicing other guys, he never loses his hard on after cumming. He has recently been telling me that he can't cum twice in a day for me so I made it a point to discreetly prove him wrong. The last time I was with him, he would cum twice within an hour. It is the picture taking that distracts him after he has cum.

I hope this works for you. Communicate.
Piper

[prrp55]

I'm sure your experience with your guy is far from unique. Lots of us are brought up to think that certain things are naughty and shouldn't be talked about. So long as you're really aroused then it's fine. But when you cool off things become normal again and somehow it just seems embarrassing. In my case I wish i could talk about things more but somehow it's very difficult.
Time to get on the couch and talk things through with a therapist. I guess you should just gently encourage him - in my case the women I've been able to talk to are the ones who were patient and slowly drew stuff out of me..... (which seems kind of appropriate round here )

[fulldick1000]

Hi ClaireJay,

Here's my twopenn'orth.

I (along with many on the forum, I suspect) have similar desires to your bf (although not as extreme - I'm not into tying people up). And my desire goes too as soon as I have cum. However, I have recently made progress on this because my beautiful gf pouted at me with her face swimming in my cum and made (jokingly, as it happens) to kiss me. I then found that I was able to. Last time I managed to give her a proper snog with plenty of my cum in and around her mouth. Hopefully, we will be able to take this further.

So. If I were you I would do that - after he has cum, take the initiative and make him kiss you. Perhaps ask him to lick some cum into your mouth as well. Be positive and don't question his desires ("Isn't that a bit of a weird thing to want to do?" would be a real passion killer). Worship his cum. If you care about him, help him to explore this part of his sexuality.


Goo(d) luck!


Dick


PS You sound lovely, BTW.

[Brian1453]

I don't know about the cum-kissing solving this problem. Guys tend to go one way or another on that. But I like most of the advice suggested already. Your guy probably feels sheepish about this because he feels you are doing this only for him. When his ardor drops it appears he gets embarrassed and almost apologetic. So, anything you do that REALLY gets across that this - and his passion for it - arouses you as well has to help. Piper's idea about the pics works well because it gives him a reason to leave it on longer, provides tangible proof you are enjoying yourself, and gives him something to view and get excited about even when he is not up for action yet. Talking about the fantasies he brings up has to help as well. I would suggest bringing them up yourself when things are starting to heat up and telling him you would love to go through the whole scenario because the thought alone gets you so hot you can't imagine how good the real experience must be. Something like that so he knows you want it to continue all the way through. On the dominance/submissive stuff maybe make a big deal about using a safe word. Not because you feel you need it, but instead to get across to him that you don't want him to stop until you use it. That gives you more control and ironically encourages him to be more dominant, even after the 'first act' has ended. Hope this helps.

[PalominoXIII]

I would say it is a very common situation, actually past month I heard on the radio that it is part of our nature as men to sleep after sex.

[PalominoXIII]

I have tried to retake the action after we finish... something I have succeded, other times I haven´t