Comedy Central, Let's Have A Giggle!!

[elno]

Try this one (probably works better if you're from the UK)
A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The salary package is £200,000 a year'.
The Scouser said 'You're bullshitting me!'
The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'

[oldmacdonald]

A scouser?

[alkie]

Had to giggle at that one elno
(you soft shandy drinking southerner)


Rigatoni,
A "Scouser" is another name for a person who comes from the north of England. (Liverpool to be precise)
The English have a bit of friendly banter about the north/south divide going on, basically anyone north of London are classed as "dodgy characters"
The only time the whole of England joins as one, is in their dislike of anything French, German and not forgetting us Scots!!!

[elno]

A person from Liverpool UK.
They are stereotyped as being workshy.

[elno]

I ain't a soft shandy swillin southern softie.
Lets just say I'm close enough to steal my hubcaps back from the scousers
Ye haggis eatin skirt wearin thistlehumper

[publicfacialgirl]

...but this one has allways made me laugh.

"A man has been out drinking all night, even past all his friends heading home, 2 o'clock a.m. comes around and he heads out to walk home. As he is walking home a cab pulls over in front of him and a nun steps out of the cab. The man runs up behind the nun and punches her in the head, she falls down and he kicks her, she cries out and he laugh and looks down at her and says...
...
...
...
"You're not so tough without your mask are you Batman!?"


I know i'm going to hell, but this is the least of reasons i assure you.

[alkie]

...but this one has allways made me laugh.

I know i'm going to hell, but this is the least of reasons i assure you.

I like it PFG, oh and BTW I will probably see you in hell also.
If you wanna meet up, I will be the one with a thistle growing out of my dick.
(Purely for identification purposes only of course).

Do not believe the scurrilous rumours been spread about me in this thread by a certain, (adopts the classic Gallagher stance), "Manc Sheeeite!" Let me assure you that the relationship I have with my "Flower of Scotland" is purely a platonic one!!

(Ok, Manchester might not be where you are from either elno, so just outta curiosity mate, where are you from?)

[alkie]

An executive was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He narrowed it down to one of two people — Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work.
He finally decided that whichever one used the water cooler first the following morning would have to go.
After a long day of working, Debra, feeling unwell needed some water to take a coupla pills , so she went to the water cooler.
The executive approached Debra and said
“Debra, I either have to lay you or Jack off.”
Debra replies “Could you just jack off? I have a headache.”

Ba Da Boom!!

[alkie]

Dave walks into the pub and sees his mate Jeff huddled on the bar, depressed. Dave walks over and asks Jeff what's wrong.
"Well," replies Jeff, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got a hard on every time I see her?"
"Yes," replies Dave with a smile.
"Well," says Jeff, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Dave, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Jeff, "but I was worried I'd get a stiffy again. So I got some sellotape and taped my dick to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible." says Dave.
"So I get to her door," says Jeff, "and I rang her doorbell. And she answered it in the shortest skirt you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
Jeff huddles over the bar again. "I f##king kicked her in the face."

Badda Bay!!

[elno]

Nice one Alkie. Actually they were all pretty good
Lets just say, one one side I've got sheepshaggers and on the other I've got no effin hubcaps lol You're a smart guy you'll figure it out.

And I noticed you didn't deny wearing a skirt lol.