Comedy Central, Let's Have A Giggle!!

[Brian1453]

An Irish Boy's Confession

'Bless me
Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a very loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Tommy O'Reilly?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I
don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Gaynor O'Hardman?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Jilly O'Barker?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Portia Andrews?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Caroline O'Swannick?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Ruth Mather, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Tommy walks back to his pew,
and his friend Johnny
slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

[Fingers]

Entertain A Bar Girl

Liquor In The Front

Poker In The Rear

Lovely!

Sign seen at a truckstop near Durango in the great State of Colorado:

EAT HERE - GET GAS

[caseyjones]

A country boy, Billy, befriends a city-slicker, Paul. Paul becomes interested in hunting, and Billy agrees to show him the ropes.

Deer season is in, so Billy takes Paul to a well-placed tree stand and instructs Paul:

"Whatever you do, don't move! Deer are skittish, and if you move too early you'll spook them and miss your chance!"

Paul agrees and Billy leaves to set up in his own stand. Several hours pass, and suddenly the forest is deafened by a series of shots from a high-powered rifle. Excited, Billy rushes back to Paul to find out how big a deer he brought down.

Arriving on the scene, Billy yells, "Paul! I heard the shots, where's the deer?!"

Paul replies, "Now hold on Billy. I was sitting here, and a skunk came by, and pointed his business end at me, but I didn't move! Finally he went on his way."

"Well that's great, but where's the deer?!"

"Hang on, I'm not finished. An hour or so later, a bear came through the woods, stopped at the bottom of this tree and stared up at me, clawing the bark and pacing back and forth, but I didn't move! Finally he went on his way."

"Wow, that's crazy Paul, but I heard the shots, what did you hit?"

"Well that's what I'm trying to get to! A couple hours after the bear left, two squirrels ran up this tree, and ran up my pants leg. They were running back and forth, chattering and chasing each other, but I didn't move! But I sure has hell had to do something when I heard one of them say 'I'm gonna eat one now and take the other home for later'!"

[elno]

There was this guy. He often went away on trips, far from home, Long trips. While this man was away on his trips, his wife would get very very dissatisfied. Thus, she cheated on him, but when he came back, she felt guilty, so she always told him. Well, after a while, the man got very frustrated with his wife's adultry, so he went to an adult toy shop. He looked around, but saw nothing special.

The man knew he needed something special, so he decided to tell the salesclerk. "I need something really amazing for my wife. All I see here are normal toys."

"Well, there is the voodoo dick, but I don't want to sell you THAT." replied the clerk.

"Let me see it anyway!" Answered the man.

The salesclerk took him into a room and pulled out a box. He opened the box, and inside was something that looked like a normal toy.

"That's not special!" cried the man.

"Ah, but look. Voodoo dick, THE DOOR." The dick in the box got up and began to hump the door.

"I'll take that, but how do you get it to stop?"

The salesclerk sold him the voodoo dick, then, said simply "Voodoo dick? The box."

So the man took voodoo dick back home to his wife and showed her how to get it to hump something. Then, he left for a trip.

The wife waited and waited and waited, but she couldn't stand her urges. She took out the voodoo dick and said "voodoo dick? My-" well, we know what she said. So, it was the best she had ever known, and she kept at it for about 3 hours. Then, she wanted it out. She pulled and pulled, but in vain, for her husband had forgotten to tell her about the little box trick. Finally, she decided to go to the hospital to get it out. She drove kind of wacky, well, because there was something in her. Finally, a police man pulled her over for her driving.

"But..." She told the police man of the voodoo dick, to get out of the ticket.

He laughed at her foolish story. "Voodoo dick my ass!" he cried.

[Fingers]

I like it, but I saw an entirely different scenario unfolding. Where I come from, "box" can mean "pussy".

(Actually the other popular word for "pussy" is "fanny", but I'm afraid that means something different in the US.)

[kw21925]

Lovely!

Sign seen at a truckstop near Durango in the great State of Colorado:

EAT HERE - GET GAS

Sign posted in many bars in the USA:

FREE BEER TOMORROW!

[Fingers]

Best graffiti I've ever seen in a pub -- this was in the Gent's toilet . . .

<< URINAL . . . ARSENAL >>

(For pub connoisseurs, it was in The Glendale, Byker, Newcastle upon Tyne.)

[Brian1453]

Have you ever wondered what happened to all those cute and crazy, good looking, young hippie chicks who did drugs, smoked weed, got tattooed everywhere and did every guy during the Age of Aquarius back in the 60's?

Well, wonder no more!

[Brian1453]

Here are a few laughs for everyone about to have Thanksgiving.

[Brian1453]

Okay, Thanksgiving is behind us so it is time to start getting into the Christmas spirit. Here is one way to decorate your house. I guess Santa had too much eggnog.