Two nice T-shirts.
Two nice T-shirts.
Merry Christmas everyone. Hope all of you have a great one.
Here are a few funny Christmas pics and one sexy Santa's helper out hitchhiking. Which I have shamelessly stolen from our very own Alkie.
And some funny Christmas jokes.
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SANTA'S PICK UP LINES
* I know when you`ve been bad or good -- and you have been VERY bad!
* Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
* Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
* Some of my best toys run on batteries...
* I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any underwear.
* Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "nice AND naughty" list!
* Wanna join the "Mile High" club?
* No, that's not a candy cane in my pocket.
10 Things that Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren't
* 10. Did you get any under the tree?
* 9. I think your balls are hanging too low.
* 8. Check out Rudolph's Honker!
* 7. Santa's sack is really bulging.
* 6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.
* 5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
* 4. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.
* 3. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real.
* 2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
* 1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.
WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE BETTER THAN A MAN
1. A Christmas tree is always erect.
2. Even small ones give satisfaction.
3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.
5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.
7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when you are done with it.
9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.
Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman
10. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
09. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices.
08. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
07. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
06. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
05. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it.
04. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
03. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.
02. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
01. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.
Do you know why Santa doesn't have any children ??? A: he only comes once a year and thats down a chimney ...
Of course Santa is jolly.He knows where all the bad girls live.
Letter from Santa
2 Cold Street
North Pole, Canada
H0H 0H0
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year, and since you have, I told my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all the gifts from "The Twelve Days of Christmas", but we had a little problem up here. The twelve fiddlers fiddling, have all come down with "VD" from fiddling with the ten ladies dancing. The eleven lords a leaping have knocked up the eight maids a milking, and the nine pipers playing, have been arrested for doing weird things to the seven swans a swimming. The six geese a laying, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree, have me up to my butt in bird crap.
On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, eight of my reindeer are in heat, and the elves have joined Gay Liberation.
Sincerely, Santa
Santa's Bad Day
A long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual Christmas trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
When he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. Frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and a grumpy Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
The Office Party
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."
"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."
"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday."
Last edited by Brian1453; 12-23-2011 at 09:38 PM.
Proud to be British
This comedy clip makes be proud to be a Brit and it's xmasy too. A game of "lick my baubles".
The best bit is the bangtidy Holly Willoughby about 4 minutes in, look at that face, straight in the wank bank, lol.
You'll have to copy and paste because hot linking isn't allowed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVYgro8njtk
that's a great clip, thanks for sharing it with us, and Holly is amazing
Sperm is the best anti-wrinkle cream in the world. So where do you want your anti-wrikle cream?
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Nice One Brian1453...
...But this aint a joke, (take it from one who knows, I have been on this planet for a while), it is 100% FACT!!
Last edited by alkie; 12-24-2011 at 07:06 PM.
I hope these stories are not true about Santa.Originally Posted by Brian1453
lol Very funny, Scrooge.Just teasing.
Merry Christmas.
Piper
Oh, Piper I am sure Santa would always find something for you. If not, I will be happy to find me a Santa suit so you can sit on my lap and tell me everything you want for Christmas. And no, that won't be a candy cane in my pocket!
Merry Christmas to you too.
It will be a candy cane in my mouth.Oh, Piper I am sure Santa would always find something for you. If not, I will be happy to find me a Santa suit so you can sit on my lap and tell me everything you want for Christmas. And no, that won't be a candy cane in my pocket!
Merry Christmas to you too.
Why is Santa Claus always happy?
Because he knows where all of the bad girls live.
Merry Christmas.
Piper
Merry Xmas!
Oh cum all ye faithful!
If you like my avatar check out my Tabetha Thread!
http://www.facialforum.net/showthread.php?t=25797
If you like my posts hit the rep button
If I have posted anyone's private pictures or anything that violates FF rules please let me know and I will remove immediately!
Ohhhh, that is so low and so wrong, Jonze.lol
Piper
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