Either I am slower than I like to think, or something got lost while crossing the Atlantic. I don't get it.Originally Posted by alkie
A sick one for all you UK members:
Graeme Garden is in his 60's
Bill Oddie is also around that age
as is Tim Brooke Taylor
Who would have thought it then that Jade would have been the first Goodie to kick the bucket
Yeah I Know... That's Really Bad!!
Hi Bri don't worry if you didn't get it, the clue was in UK members, you guys across the pond won't know who she is or even who they are!!
I figured as much. We have always been fans of Monty Python, Benny Hill, and AbFab but every now and then you have one of those cultural "Whoa, what did that mean?" moments.
I get it and yes, that is really really bad!A sick one for all you UK members:
Graeme Garden is in his 60's
Bill Oddie is also around that age
as is Tim Brooke Taylor
Who would have thought it then that Jade would have been the first Goodie to kick the bucket
Yeah I Know... That's Really Bad!!
Great idea for a thread Alkie
I came home from work and Siobhan was crying the blues. She wanted $6000 for a boob job. I groaned and said "honey... you don't need $6000 for a boob job. Just take some toilet paper and rub it on your boobs every morning when you get up. They will grow huge"
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She sniffled and said "just how the hell will that work?"
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I shrugged a shoulder and said... "it worked on your ass".
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then i wanted a blow job... yeah right... the corsair didn't get one for a very long time after that.
so much for Balls!
So I came home at 2 o'clock in the morning, stinking drunk, smelling of perfume and lipstick on my shirt. Siobhan was waiting for me with a cast iron skillet in her hand. I smiled, slapped her on the ass and said, "I'm glad you're up to cook me some steak and eggs because you're next tubby".
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when the Corsair regained consciousness he realized the only thing that beat him to the hospital were the head lights of the ambulance he was riding in.
if you've never read Herman Melville, you won't get this one.
Siobhan was pregnant at about 7 months and we were fooling around in the kitchen. Just as I was about to mount, the stupidest words to ever escape the Corsairs mouth made it past his lips. "Call me Ishmael".
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that's a true story and really happend. and i thought the wife trying to kill the husband with a frying pan only happened in cartoons until that day.
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
Ba Da Bum!!
Dr Dave had slept with one of his patients & felt really guilty. No matter how much he tried, the sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal reassuring voice saying 'Dave don't worry about it, your not the first Doctor to sleep with one of your patients & you won't be the last, and your single, just let it go'.
but invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality whispering...
...'Dave you're a f@cking vet'
Little Ralphy At School!!
On Maths:
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little Ralphy. He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then little Ralphy says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top
and sucked the cone.'
To which Little Ralphy replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I
like your thinking.'
On English:
Little Ralphy goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable
words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
Ralphy says 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Ralphy, that's a mouthful.'
Little Ralphy says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'
On Grammar:
Little Ralphy was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, Ralphy, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-I-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'
Little Ralphy, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'
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