On Maths:
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little Ralphy. He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then little Ralphy says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top
and sucked the cone.'
To which Little Ralphy replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I
like your thinking.'

On English:
Little Ralphy goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable
words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
Ralphy says 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Ralphy, that's a mouthful.'
Little Ralphy says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

On Grammar:
Little Ralphy was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, Ralphy, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-I-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'
Little Ralphy, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'