Here's a few that made me chuckle, I hope you enjoy...
Here's a few that made me chuckle, I hope you enjoy...
I hate waking up in the morning and finding fucking snow on my car.
Proof of global warming.
Do you have an annoying neighbor? Maybe you need the right hedge in your yard.
I know it is the 21st Century but some things are still just wrong.
Ever feel like you forgot something?
For some reason this comedians joke in a magazine cracked me up.
My girlfriend left me, she said I don't know anything about women.
So I kicked her in the balls.
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook.
You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic:
politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet.
You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal,
he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,
"Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with a wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie and kissed him passionately."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down...."
"WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"
- More at this site : h--p://raj-madan.com/AdultJokes.htm
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This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look.
"Mom, why is my bigger brother named Thunderstorm?"
She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."
Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?"
She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."
"And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"
"Because we were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."
Thoughtfully, Mother paused and asked her son, "Tell me, Broken Rubber, why are you so curious?"
- The mother load : h--p://www.exbii.com/showthread.php?t=2066&page=1
- over 1300 pages
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- Not so innocent , pssst , check the ages of these contributers
- h--p://www.mibba.com/forums/topic/125094/1/
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now that made me laugh my ass offOriginally Posted by alkie
Dave walks into the pub and sees his mate Jeff huddled on the bar, depressed. Dave walks over and asks Jeff what's wrong.
"Well," replies Jeff, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got a hard on every time I see her?"
"Yes," replies Dave with a smile.
"Well," says Jeff, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Dave, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Jeff, "but I was worried I'd get a stiffy again. So I got some sellotape and taped my dick to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible." says Dave.
"So I get to her door," says Jeff, "and I rang her doorbell. And she answered it in the shortest skirt you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
Jeff huddles over the bar again. "I f##king kicked her in the face."
Badda Bay!!
Wow, awesome jokes.
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