Sorry to hear that Jake. And kudos for talking about your problem.
Also in my 30's, being in a relationship where I can be really honest with my sexual fantasies, meaning facials and gagging. I feel privileged. I also makes me sad to hear your story.
Weird thing is, even in this relationship I often hinder myself in the moment when I'm about to give my woman a facial, thinking that I'm doing something wrong or degrading, even though it's clearly not an issue for her. I'm not sure why. It's as if all my life I've pictured a facial as something being deeply degrading to women, yet it has still been the most satisfying thing for me. For a while I even wondered if I'd ever meet a woman who would accept me for who I was sexually.
I didn't really solve your problem there. Just sharing thoughts.